To the Mom Who Is Having A Hard Day

source: laurajul.dk

Hi, friend.

I see you standing there, your tear-filled eyes looking lost and empty. You’re having a bad day, a tough day, a hard day. Maybe this is the first hard day in a long time, or maybe it is yet another hard day in what seems to be a reoccurring theme in your life.  You wish to be anywhere but right here at this very moment. You wonder what you did wrong to make all of the good days seem like a very distant memory. You pray that this day would just. be. done.

I get it.

Maybe your husband works long, late hours, leaving you and your kids at home, alone, day-in and day-out.  Or maybe your husband is serving our country, spending weeks, months, years away from your family. The brief moments of adult conversation seem to pale in comparison to the busy, noisy toddler-chatter that fills your ears from sun-up to sun-down. Everyone else seems so busy with their own lives to even notice. Solitude amidst a tribe of your little ones; it is deafening. Missing what life was like before these little blessings entered your world.  Missing friends and family, and wondering if being a mom will always feel this lonely.

I get it.  I promise you aren’t alone.  I know those moments when you feel like you just can’t have one more conversation about Legos, or Sesame Street, or bodily functions.  But I promise those conversations, while repetitive, are important. They are building a bond between you and your child that nothing can separate. Hang on to those times when you get to have adult time, and don’t be afraid to reach out to other moms in your area.  Chances are they need a friend just like you.

Maybe you were up all night with a sick baby. The luxury of napping during the day is no longer an option with a toddler and preschooler running around.  Catching up on sleep seems near impossible, and you are feeling run-down.  Your tank is near-empty. Days when there are more hours than energy left before bedtime. Where did the energy you used to have disappear to? Will life always be this hard?

I get it.  I so, so get it. Sometimes it seems like there isn’t enough caffeine in the world. But look at that sweet baby that only you can bring comfort to.  The baby who loves you and needs you and silently thanks you for your self-less, sacrificial love through the late-night hours. Find the strength to make it through the day and pray for peaceful sleep tonight.

Maybe you have been struggling with behavior problems.  The kids that you love more than life itself are driving you up the proverbial wall.  Whining, bickering, temper tantrum-ing, fighting.  You bounce between refereeing and feeling like you have somehow failed your children.  Your mind is swimming: Where did they pick up this bad behavior? Will they ever get along? Am I cut out for this mom stuff? You want. to. quit.

I get it. But, remember that your kids are human beings and not puppets: they make their own decisions and sometimes that means making bad decisions. What matters most is teaching them forgiveness and unconditional love. Be thankful for the opportunity to teach your kids under the shelter of your love. You are just what your kids need right now. Find the courage inside to say, “I am enough for my kids.”

Maybe you’re having a day where you are stretched thin. A day where you barely have time to breathe between all of the errands (doctor appointments, story time at the library, play group, grocery shopping, school pick up). A day where there just aren’t enough hours to get your ever-growing to-do list done. A day where you feel like you just can’t juggle anything else.  You’re afraid to let anyone down, but you are the one who suffers in the end.

I get it. I have days where I want to shut down “mom’s taxi service” and lock us all in at home. I’m here to tell you to not be afraid to say no. Don’t worry about disappointing your kids if you cut down on the rat-race schedule. These moments you have making memories with your kids can happen anywhere. It’s okay to say no.  It’s okay to skip a swimming lesson every once in a while. It’s not okay for you to be so rushed and run ragged that you can’t enjoy this one life you have to live.

Maybe you are fighting depression.  The long days seem like a struggle, the minutes ticking by ever-slowly.  The simplest, smallest interruptions that often accompany kid-life (spilled milk, forgotten homework, whining) trigger a fire deep inside of you, erupting in anger. Or maybe you just can’t find a reason to smile amidst the antics and folly of your kids. Instant regret and mom-guilt follow.  How many times have you had days where you just want to lay in bed all day, buried beneath the blankets in total darkness? Will there ever be joy in life again? Why am I so down when I have so much to be thankful for?

I get it. I’m right there with you. But every day you press on and push forward, every day you say “I can do it” over and over, every day you refuse to give up: you are a warrior momma!  Tomorrow is a new day.  Hang on to the hope that tomorrow will be better.  One step at a time. Make a list of all your blessings and hold it close for hard days like today. Don’t let the pain and sadness of the moment have victory over your life.

Maybe you are having financial problems and you just don’t know how the bills will be paid. Or maybe you’re battling health issues, trying to deal with chronic pain, or awaiting a diagnosis. Or maybe you’re struggling through marital problems and you feel like you don’t know when things will turn the corner. Or maybe you are grieving the loss of a loved one that you would give anything to see again. Or maybe you are dealing with anxiety, trying to curb the worries and troubles in your mind. The list could go on.

You aren’t alone, friend. Our challenges may be different, and the roads we are walking may not look the same, but we are all foraging through the wildness of this life together.  Sometimes when all you can see is the darkness and fog around you, you just need someone to tell you that breakthrough is just around the corner.  Hope is just around corner.  Maybe not today or tomorrow, but I promise you that the days won’t always be this hard.

source: pinterest.com

 

Shifting Seasons

Today

As I sit here typing, we are experiencing our first snowstorm of the season.

To say I’m depressed about the snow is a HUGE understatement.

Even though it has been a long six months since our last snowfall, it doesn’t seem easier going through these snowy times again. Sometimes I wish I lived in a less-snowy climate.

The cold, bitter wind seems to blow effortlessly through this old farmhouse’s window-panes. Snow drifting across the fields and our long, dirt driveway make traveling a nightmare. Our barn across the yard is barely visible through the snow globe-like conditions outside. I dream of living in a place where snow is a rarity, sunshine and green grass an over-abundance.

Isn’t it funny how the seasons of the year can be much like the seasons of our lives? Seasons of joy and peace and warmth (Spring, Summer and Autumn). And seasons of despair and dread and hopelessness (Winter).

Spring, the promise of better times ahead.  Green buds popping up across the landscape, sweet smelling blossoms covering the apple trees, and the almost-forgotten patches of grass appearing beneath the fast-melting snow. The sun shines differently during these Spring days. Cheerfulness permeates through the mud puddles my kids splash in.

Summer is a season of joy and warmth that I greatly anticipate each year.  A much-welcomed reprieve after months and months of cold. A promise I look forward to each year.  Barbecues, roasted marshmallows, late nights outside catching lightning bugs, camping, giggling, new memories.  The heat and humidity, while harsh at times, are anticipated and quickly remedied with popsicles and playing in the sprinkler.

Autumn means crisp air, sunny days, and sweatshirt weather. The perfect weather.  Not too hot, not too cold.  The hours in a day are spent in bliss. Leaf piles, laughter, hot cocoa, and pumpkin-everything.  And preparation.  Preparation for the hard times ahead.  Canning, stocking pantries and wood rooms. Autumn is the foretelling of times to come.  A shadow that passes too quickly before the first snowflake falls.

Winter.  In our part of the country, Winter is filled with snow, frigid temps, ice, and months filled with longing, waiting for warmer weather.  For those of us with kids, Winter comes with hats and boots and gloves and snow pants and thick, warm socks, and layers upon layers of warm clothes multiplied by the number of kids in the house.  Large amounts of time spent getting kids ready to head out the door, large amounts of time spent getting kids unthawed.

And just when we think we can’t possibly handle another day of staring at the frozen tundra, when our sanity reaches its breaking point, the world around us melts and is reborn. Spring.

Without the cold, hard seasons of our lives, we wouldn’t be able to fully appreciate or be thankful for the sunny, easy seasons.

During the good seasons of life it is hard to remember that, yes, the tough seasons of life are going to be there, whether we want them to or not. The hours in a day melt like a popsicle on Summer’s pavement. The seasons shift effortlessly, methodically, rhythmically. And even as the bright, warm seasons will turn dark and cold, the dark, cold seasons will eventually turn bright and warm once again.  We just need to hold on a little bit longer.

Hope is just around the corner.

So for now, I will embrace today for what it is, because no matter how much I sit and pout, today is still today.  The snow is still going to fly. The wind is still going to blow.  At least today I am one day closer to Spring.

Hope.